Pucker up

HAVEN'T posted anything in a while so here's a three-page script I wrote for an artist last year - an artist I haven't heard from since. Oh, well.

Anyway, the idea was that it would be the first of a short series about a bloke - called Keith - who was trying to summon a demon to carry out some nefarious plan or other. Unfortunately, every diabolical creature he summoned was more eccentric and difficult to control than the last. I was quite pleased with it...

PUCKER UP
By Andy Winter

PAGE ONE

1. A man – we’ll call him Keith – is dressed in a hooded robe and is standing in the middle of a pentagram that has been drawn on the floorboards of his tiny flat (the carpet has been rolled up and his sofa moved out of the way). Keith is reciting incantations as he attempts to conjure a demon. Although he is far from expert in these matters, Keith is giving it his all – booming out the incantations and standing in as dramatic a pose as possible while he does so.

Placed on the five points of the pentagram are lit candles which drop wax on to the floor – the only light source in the darkened room. Keith has inexpertly marked out the pentagram with white chalk on his floorboards.

Keith isn’t a terribly attractive man – he’s a bit overweight and unshaven. He isn’t wearing anything under the rather baggy robe but does have a pair of white socks on and there is a hole in one of the toes.

KEITH: Appear fiery hell-spawn to carry out my directions, to carve up my enemies into neat tidy sections…

2. The air in the room seems to shudder and Swasokretch the demon appears before Keith in the pentagram. I don’t mind what the demon looks like just make him scary and at least a foot taller than Keith.

DEMON: I am Swasokretch the demon and I will do whatever you command me to. But first...

3. Swasokretch has puckered up his lips – such as they are – and stuck his face right next to Keith’s. Keith reacts with total shock and horror – his mouth hangs open and his eyes bulge.

DEMON: … A KISS!

KEITH: WHAT!?!

4. Keep the composition of this panel roughly the same, only now the demon has unpuckered his lips and Keith has slightly recovered his senses. The demon points at his lips as if that is going to encourage Keith to kiss him.

DEMON: A kiss – go on, gimme a smacker right on the lips here!

KEITH: You haven’t got any lips.

DEMON: I think you’re mean.

KEITH: And I thought you were a demon.

5. His demon manhood challenged, Swasokretch puffs out his chest and tries to look as tough as possible. Keith has fully recovered his senses now and is actually making fun of the demon.

DEMON: Oh, I’m a demon alright, mate.

KEITH: A demon who likes kissing men?

6. The demon looks down at Keith and pokes him in his chest with one of his long fingers; he’s getting a little cheesed off now. Keith looks up at him, but suddenly not so scared; almost laughing at him.

DEMON: What are you implying exactly?

KEITH: That you are Swasokretch… the gay demon.

PAGE TWO

1. The demon puts his arm on Keith’s shoulder. Keith sticks out his arm and is pushing the demon in the chest to keep him at bay.

DEMON: I’m not gay, I’m curious – I’ve never kissed a real, live human before. Now, c’mon, pucker up – I promise not to use any of my tongues...

KEITH: I’d rather eat the gunk out of Michael Winner’s belly button.

2. The demon releases his grip on Keith and throws his hands up in despair.

DEMON: You’re a homophobe.

MAN: No, I’m not, my brother’s gay!

3. The demon points accusingly at Keith.

DEMON: Yeah and you haven’t spoken to him in three years.

MAN: That has nothing to do with his... gayness.

4. The two continue bickering like an old married couple.

DEMON: See, you don’t even know the proper word for it.

MAN: It’s you, you’re confusing me... shut up!

5. Keith and the demon have turned their backs on each other – both have folded their arms. There is tension and silence in the air.

NO DIALOGUE IN THIS PANEL.

6. The demon has turned around and is talking to Keith’s back which remains turned to him.

DEMON: Right, last chance. Are you going to kiss me or what?

MAN: NO!

PAGE THREE

1. Keith has turned around to face the demon.

DEMON: Fine, send me back then...

MAN: I’d be delighted to…

2. Make this panel similar to the very first one on PAGE ONE. Keith is once again standing in the middle of his pentagram. Most of the demon has disappeared but perhaps we can still see part of him as he fades away back to hell.

KEITH: Return this demon to the pit; I can really bear no more of it!

DEMON: See you in hell, bigot!

3. Keith decides to summon another demon straightaway so begins a new incantation.

KEITH (thinking): If at first you don’t succeed…

KEITH: Send me a demon who’ll do as I say, send me a demon but not one that’s gay…

4. Another demon appears before Keith in the pentagram. Again, I’m quite happy for you to make the demon look however you want just make him very different in appearance to Swasokretch. This new demon has one hand behind his back because he is concealing something.

NEW DEMON: I am Eggelthasgok and I am here to do your bidding. But first...

5. The new demon has pulled out from behind his back a box containing the game Twister. He holds it up in front of him as if to say, "Ta da!". The demon is smiling a big goofy grin.

NEW DEMON: ...TWISTER!

6. Close up on Keith – he looks utterly deflated and ready to end it all. His expression is one of utter defeat.

NO DIALOGUE IN THIS PANEL.

THE END

Mugshot

TO promote the newly-available PDF download of Tim Skinner: Total Scumbag, artist Declan Shalvey has put this new sketch of Tim up at the Eclectic Micks blog he shares with Irish artists PJ Holden, Nick Roche, Stephen Thompson, Bob Byrne and Stephen Mooney.

Dec posts new sketches there every Tuesday so check it out here: http://eclecticmicks.blogspot.com

Dec is also the artist on 28 Days Later, which you can read every month from Boom! Studios.

Download Skinner for FREE

THE Tim Skinner: Total Scumbag one-shot is now available as a free download from www.moonfacepress.com - just click the banner at the top of the homepage and you'll be directed to the site's download page.

The download consists of two stories over 43 PDF pages (30MB, under a minute to download). The first tale is written by me and drawn - in glorious full colour - by 28 Days Later artist Declan Shalvey. The original comic came out in November 2008 and was launched at that same month's Dublin City Comic Con in Ireland. Scarily, few of its jokes are out of date!

The second - black and white - story is from 2005's SHRIEK! one-shot. It was Tim Skinner's first appearance (in a tale entitled Zardo Zapp Attacks!) and was written by me with art by Natalie Sandells (pencils) and Adrian Bamforth (inks).

I'd love to do more Skinner at some point - I had a story based around Phonogram all mapped out in my head - but Dec's super-busy with paid work these days so I can't see it happening any time soon.

And, finally, here are some nice things reviewers and comics pros said about the Skinner one-shot...

"Fucking hilarious!" - Jonathan Hickman, writer, Fantastic Four

"Delightfully, incredibly, enjoyably sick. Oh, I liked it." - Joe Gordon, Forbidden Planet blog

“Tim Skinner [is] a very self-referential, up-its-own-arse comic that I was destined to love. Even The Boys gets a good shoeing over with hilarious consequences.” - Rich Johnston, bleedingcool.com

"I don’t laugh out loud often, but I laughed out loud at this." - Regie Rigby, comicsbulletin.com

It's been awhile...

HELLO... anyone still here? Ah, there you are. Apologies to my half-dozen regular readers for not updating this blog in nearly four months but, to be honest, there hasn't really been much to report. Um, Happy New Year!

Because I've stepped back from self-publishing for the forseeable future, I don't have new releases or shipping dates to talk about any more but I have kept very busy. In fact, writing-wise, I've been rather more prolific in the last couple of months than at any time in the past two years. As I've mentioned before, all my efforts are now focused on collaborating with artists on projects to pitch to professional publishers in this country and the States.

As a result, I've got a few things on the go at the moment, including projects with Tommie Kelly (Roadcrew, Mongo: Music Critic) and Andrew Radbourne (BritForce, Brothers). The plan is to get 'pitch packs' together to show off to publishers and editors at the Bristol Expo and B.I.C.S events in May and October respectively. I'll reveal more the nearer we get to the events in question.

* ALTHOUGH I'm hoping to attend, I won't be exhibiting at Bristol for the first time since 2003 nor at the Birmingham show for the first time since its inception. Copies of all my comics will continue to be available through the Moonface Press website and I'm hoping to make at least some of them downloadable in the near future, starting with the full-colour Tim Skinner one-shot.

* AND on the subject of digital comics, there's a very positive review of mine and Tommie Kelly's Mongo: Music Critic webcomic here.

Comics Bulletin columnist Regie Rigby describes it as "a great, fast, funny comedy hit". Which is nice. You can still download Mongo for free at moonfacepress.com

* ANDREW RADBOURNE'S BritForce graphic novel is available for order in this month's UK section of Previews. You'll find it on page six of the catalogue, under Moonface Press, and the book's order number is FEB10 1756. It has a lovely cover by comics legend Glenn Fabry (Slaine, Preacher) and costs £4.50 for 64 pages.

* AND finally - I shall endeavour to update this blog a bit more regularly in future even if it's only a couple of times a month. Promise...

Blood Psi STILL getting great reviews!

THERE'S a lovely review of mine and Keith Burns' Blood Psi one-shot in episode seven of the Small Press Big Mouth podcast. Reviewer Stacey Whittle , who also blogs for www.sfx.co.uk, describes the cover and interior art as "gorgeous" and says the story is "very satisfying" and kept her guessing right until the end.

The review starts at 17 minutes 20 seconds into the podcast and you can check it out here: http://castroller.com/podcasts/GeeksyndicatesPodcast/1209360

You should also take a look at the SPBM blog here: http://smallpressbigmouth.blogspot.com/

Blood Psi has been out for at least a couple of years now but a great review's a great review as far as I'm concerned.

Post-BICS

I HAD a blast at the BICS festival in Birmingham over the weekend, catching up with lots of friends, meeting some great new people and selling loads of comics. Septic Isle and BritForce were my top sellers, suggesting punters are more interested in a meaty graphic novel-length read these days than in flimsier pamphlet-style comics.

If anything, though, the event very much underlined to me that I've really taken the self-publishing lark about as far as I can. I simply don't have the money to kick on from here, especially since Diamond's increase in their minimum order benchmark makes it harder than ever for tiny indies like me to get into Previews. Nope, my decision to concentrate on my writing and slowly run down the publishing side of what I do is, I think, the only one that makes sense right now.

To that end, on the Saturday morning I met with one of the artists with whom I'm going to be pitching to companies and we agreed a way forward for our project. I'm really excited about working with this particular illustrator (whose identity will remain a secret for now) and about the project itself. The plan is to get the 'pitch package' ready to show to people at the Bristol Expo next May.

I also met a young artist called Matt Birks whose work is terrific (strong storytelling, great design sense) and I'm keen to collaborate with him on a pitch, too.

I probably won't stop publishing altogether at this stage - BritForce's creator Andy Radbourne is keen to do a second issue and I might do the odd thing to keep my hand in just to sell at cons. But I'm not sure right now whether I'll be exhibiting at Bristol and Birmingham next year or whether I shall just attend as a regular punter/aspiring writer. I have to say it would be very nice to go to a comics convention and not spend all weekend stood behind a table endlessly spouting the same sales pitches for my comics. It's given me a sore throat and aching legs this year...

BICS bits

I'M off to Birmingham tomorrow for the British International Comics Show - or BICS as it's better known. I have a table there as usual and Brothers and BritForce will both be making their BICS debuts. These are going to be the last titles I publish for the timebeing as I'm going to be concentrating on pitching projects to other publishers instead of putting out my own stuff.

As far as that goes I have three outlines with artists right now and the plan is to get proper 'proposal packs' together to show editors and publishers next year. I'm keen that this stuff shouldn't be rushed as I want to make all of the proposals as slick and professional as possible. I've certainly found three terrific artists to work on them with me, one of whom I shall be meeting up with in Birmingham to discuss our collaboration in a bit more depth.

In the meantime, new stories will continue to appear from me on the Moonface website - Mongo, Music Critic is already up there and will be joined in due course by a couple of other tales, one of which will be drawn by my old Septic Isle collaborator Mick Trimble.

After a very lazy summer - the kids being around gave me an excuse to do bugger all on the writing front - I'm keen to really get back into things. I've done a fair bit of work on another story idea but need to retool it a bit, while another couple are at the 'very roughly sketched out in my head' stage. After BICS I have a couple of weeks off work and intend to use them to get some of this stuff up and running...